sex, money, and miscellany: talking about what matters

driving while crying

In Uncategorized on August 30, 2009 at 6:00 am

Ten years ago I drove cross-country while listening to Alison Krauss on my CD player which I had jury-rigged to work in my Ford Festiva with one of those cassette player converter things. I was in the process of breaking up with a longtime friend and lover, and I probably cried most of the way across the country. I got good at it, driving and crying, managing heartbreak with one hand and the gearshift with the other. Apparently it made a major impression; since then I’ve had a few more opportunities to grieve hard, and every one has required lots of driving time. I moved 12 times in 12 years, which meant plenty of steering wheel hours. So now if I need to crack open, all I need is a solo roadtrip, preferably one-way-never-coming-back.

It’s a little harder to manage when I don’t plan to move, but I’ve figured it out. It requires music: David Wilcox, Christine Kane, Carrie Newcomer, people who write (and sing) from and to the heart. It requires time. It requires highway driving, since I get too self-conscious crying in stop-and-go rush hour where people can peer in my windows. And it requires a certain je ne sais quois, a sense of openness, of abundance of space in the weeks to come. Without that I am too easily lost in the to-do minutia. Staying busy gets a lot of us through, but I ask you this: what would you know if you made the space to know it?

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