sex, money, and miscellany: talking about what matters

getting heard

In Uncategorized on September 17, 2009 at 6:22 am

Ever watch a frustrated two-year-old throw a tantrum? The kid starts out discontent, fussy, but quiet. Within minutes they’re loud, louder than fire engines and tsunami warnings.

But the funny thing is that nearly everyone will listen to a two-year-old with a cute and serious discourse on the ailments of the teddy bear. But very few people will hear that same two-year-old screaming at the top of their lungs. People just block it out.

It’s the same with conversations. If you’re too strident, people whose minds might need changing can’t hear you. Sometimes the way to get heard is to know what you think and start from connections and common interests. If there’s fear involved, sometimes the way to start is by talking about the weather. If the fear is around sex, a few chances to work together, hands busy and talking all the while, will help a lot. Either that or a chance to talk in the dark. Eye contact is profoundly intimate in our culture. Eye contact plus conversation about sex is almost unbearably intense. Eye contact plus conversation about desire: mine and yours? Only for the lion-hearted.

How do you like to get heard?

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