sex, money, and miscellany: talking about what matters

time of rest

In Uncategorized on September 24, 2009 at 7:59 pm

I disappeared for a few days. My apologies. It seems that my brain was claiming a resting place, whether I liked it or not. I think we often encounter these kinds of enforced breaks, even when we don’t recognize them. Getting sick? Enforced rest. Forgetting things all the time? Enforced rest. Falling asleep in the middle of the day? Enforced rest.

Those sabbath times help us prepare for whatever is ahead; they allow us to breathe, to nurture ourselves, to rejuvenate. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote a book, Gift From the Sea in which she says that the only certainty in life is ebb and flow; is intermittency. I think she’s right–in this go-go-go culture, we tend to panic when the ebb arrives, afraid that the sex drive or the sense of connection to god or the money will never flow again, that they are permanently withdrawing from our lives and we don’t know why.

“Bed death” — lesbian or otherwise, is a prime example. We can panic about having sexual space from a lover, or we can trust that it is the space that makes room for growth, for discovery, for renewed interest…and we can keep flirting, keep romance alive, keep up with the flowers and the dinners and the cute cards and the sweet looks. It’s when the recriminations and fears take root that we begin to make permanent what would otherwise be just another phase. Instead, let it be a time of remembering what else you love about each other, and what you love about yourself; a time for fun and other kinds of touch, a time for cuddling without moving through to sex. The cycle will come around again in time.

Give it room. Keep breathing. Have faith.
and don’t forget the love.


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