sex, money, and miscellany: talking about what matters

no summer

In Uncategorized on October 14, 2009 at 6:38 am

A friend of mine who is incredibly busy said recently, “I didn’t have a summer.” I recognize the sentiment. Sometimes I think I didn’t have a holiday season or didn’t have a spring (my favorite time of year). But here’s the truth: we have them, and we choose what we do with them. When we don’t like our choices we change them, or we become frustrated and miserable.

It’s that simple sometimes. And if it’s that simple, it’s easy to fix, right?

Wrong.

We’re wired to see patterns, make patterns, and fall into patterns of behavior. We’re built to make twice into “something we’ve always done”. And if we have something making us miserable and we focus on the misery, we’re likely to perpetuate the misery. It takes a significant act of will, imagination, and creativity to get a different perspective.

Fortunately, we can do that. We have those muscles, too. That inventiveness is what made us into toolmakers, made us social, and–for better or for worse–landed us where we are today. So can we get out of a rut?

Absolutely.

And it’s not easy, but it is simple.

Do one thing differently.

Usually we think of change as doing something (like exercise) but sometimes the power is in creating space. Consider instead not doing something. Consider dropping an activity, cleaning out a room and not filling it back up, leaving a wall blank. Consider what breathing room, what expansiveness, what possibility you might invite that way. Consider sitting with the empty.

What could that mean for your finances? What could it mean for your next relationship? What could it mean for the things you choose to keep?

Holding space helps us see and be aware of the real choices we’re making, and to make them deliberately. And choice is power. Try it.

You might find you like it.

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