sex, money, and miscellany: talking about what matters

in love with tension

In Uncategorized on December 12, 2009 at 3:34 pm

We’re not supposed to be tense. We’re supposed to be relaxed, laid-back, in the groove. Maybe it’s the legacy of the 60’s, maybe it’s the legacy of the heart attacks and stock market crashes of the 80’s, but it seems like there’s a supposed-to about breathing deeply.

But there’s something about tension. Like when you see a lover across the room and they take your breath away; when you get a new idea and can’t wait to try it; anytime you manage to parlay stress into transformation you can love.

It’s got a kind of craving about it, a pent-up energy, an intensity and a potential. It’s not necessarily a problem. Sexual tension can move us into intimate connection; interpersonal attraction can lead us to friendships and family-ships, anger and fear and exasperation can move us into the next phase of our lives.

Knowing tension fully means knowing it well enough to love it, to engage it, and to let it be a positive force instead of fighting it.

What has tension done for you lately? How can you reframe tension so it doesn’t feel like an enemy? How can tension help you?

  1. True. But too much tension is just too much. Pressures, and the idea that a single choice can change something entirely. No matter what choice it is, however it might be received. And to know, no matter the choice there will be a change, and to know that either choice could have either negative or positive results. Excessive pressure in a situation that is already tense. .sigh. It’s almost just. Too much. It can hurt. And then it feels like there’s no longer choice, No longer any choice but something you have to do. And sometimes that’s okay. Making a move you have to make, that can be livable. Making a decision to stick to the ground and not go anywhere for awhile. But no longer feeling like you have a choice in something like sex, that can be painful. So incredibly, in expressibly painful. Choice ultimately means everything, just everything. Sexual tension can be good. Excessive pressure within that tension moves it from being a good thing, to being a wounding thing. You move from wanting to say yes, to saying no, just because your power feels like it’s stripping away.

    Tension has this way of being good and being not so good.

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