sex, money, and miscellany: talking about what matters

kisses sweeter than wine

In Uncategorized on December 23, 2009 at 3:06 pm

We’re in that whole holiday thing. And shindigs and parties and lots and lots of expectations. And one of those expectations is alcohol.

So it’s time for my annual rant. Full disclosure here: I don’t drink because I don’t like the taste. I have no moral objection to moderate drinking. I have a moral objection to OUI, I have an objection to using alcohol as an excuse for bad behavior or as a crutch, but I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to drink. I do think it’s kind of pointless to get drunk, though.

Let’s face it, what’s headier: a really good kiss or a really good drink? Afterglow or hangover? Is that a hard choice? I don’t want to do anything I am not willing to do sober. Either I have good reasons or I have something to work through, but either way, discovering that I can do it if I’m unconscious, sub-conscious, or semi-conscious is not my thing. I only get one life. Why do it half-assed?

Take dancing. Dancing, at its best, is sensual, connected, enlivening, joyful, and sexy. If I don’t want to do that in public, that’s a choice. But why deaden it? Or how about conversation? Would you believe someone who told you that you were beautiful or sexy or brilliant or dead wrong if they were drunk? I wouldn’t. I don’t. You can’t have a decent conversation with someone who’s drunk, because eventually they lose track of what they’re saying. You can’t have good sex either, or make good decisions.

Acquaintance rape is often connected to alcohol. So are car crashes. And the internet opens up a new and infinite world of possibilities where stupid, public mistakes are concerned.

And the irony is that it’s usually fear of humiliation that gets people into trouble. We’re scared of telling someone we’re attracted to them; we’re embarrassed to admit to our friends that we’re too drunk to drive. We’re afraid we won’t be good enough in bed, or we don’t know what to do about the ex-lover who’s hurting. We think that drinking problems are adolescent, that we shouldn’t have to admit that we had too much when we’re over 25. Wrong. Admitting you drank too much is way more mature than doing something stupid and using the drinking as an excuse.

Alcohol is not a solution. It’s just not. You just have to face more humiliation in the morning. Please, please, please, be safe this holiday season. Do whatever it takes. Call a cab, call a friend, use snail mail to tell the sexy guy that you drooled over him all night. Who sends snail mail anymore? You’ll stand out.

This year, let the messes be just cake and icing and cookie crumbs and wrapping paper. Please.

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